America's Ugliest Office - Clean it up!

So, who has an ugly office? What makes an office ugly? is it the mess? is it the piles of unorganized papers? Is it the furniture or paint color on the walls?

We have all seen them and it is high time we do something about them. ACCO has developed a new fiendish plot along with their henchmen Prizelogic to see who has the ugliest office in America and severely torture them for making the rest of us suffer. What makes this so evilly ingenious is it looks like a great contest. Several "winners" will be instantly selected. One of the "prizes" is a TV. The television emits a low frequency subliminal message that is constantly transmitted through the speakers which will program you to buy more office products from ACCO Brands. This is crazy! They already control 90% of the office product market. You will uncontrollably go out and buy a chrome plated stapler from Swingline, and you will pass the Quartet whiteboards and start to feel frisky and have an uncontrollable urge to buy a pack of EndurGlide dry erase markers and some GBC report covers. You will get home and not know why you have spent your entire paycheck on all of the products, only that they make you happy.

If that is not enough, the grand prize is a trip to Maui for two! Oh the humanity! The so called winners -these people with the pig sties for cubicles; the ones with the suffocating smells, the holiday decorations for every holiday up on every square inch all year long because they are too lazy to take them down; they will be subjected to all sorts of evil torture like eating a stuffed pig on a beach while the locals dance half naked with fire in front of them. If they survive that ordeal they will be placed in the ocean on a skinny board surrounded by hungry sharks.

If this is you, save yourself from the punishment. If you have an ugly office, are you a winner? Is this something to aspire to? Is this how your mother raised you? NO! I say clean your office! organize all the papers and drawers. Throw out the trash. Take down all of the holiday decorations. Fumigate if you have to, to get rid of that smell. But where will you put all of the clutter and crap once your office is clean? Put it in the next cubicle; your co-worker probably won't even notice. Let them be punished, uh, I mean win America's Ugliest Office Contest.